There’s a Cloud Over My Head

Perhaps it is the weather, but I do think something is missing inside of my daily routine that makes me slack, complain, and feel sad.

Perhaps it is because I lost my grandfather, but I don’t know how to relieve that or how anyone could help me with that. Although it probably contributes to this pain I feel, I don’t think that’s the case. If anything, the thought of him just makes me want to work harder in life.

So what is this sudden feeling of helplessness? I guess the root of it might have been influenced by my weekend at Winterfest and trying to understand more about Christianity since I never knew about it growing up besides that some people just believed in a God and some didn’t. It left me with more questions, and I don’t think it was good–but overall I still had fun with everyone and I’m thankful for the experience. I guess I just feel like I don’t belong in that “crowd” and need space to myself to figure things out.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my future and things become less and less sure. I mean, what if I don’t get into medical school? What if I don’t get married? What if I never have kids? What if the world really does end this year in December? What if what I really want to do is start working after receiving my Bachelor’s degree? I wish school didn’t take so long because you have to push some things farther and farther away and you have to neglect some things that used to make you really happy. I want to be motivated again, but right now it’s kind of gloom and doom over here. Then again, I might just be overreacting because “I’m still young.”

The co-ed basketball team I was in didn't win, but we still had a heart to carry on!

Co-ed intramural basketball was a blast! We didn't win any games, but I don't think the team was built to do that in the first place anyway. We always came pretty close and a lot of the girls didn't play basketball at all before so I'd say it was a great experience for them! Can't wait for more in the future.

I hate that excuse for everything. The whole elementary and secondary education system treats their students like they don’t know anything and when they come to college, then they REALLY don’t know anything.

Reader, do you have any obstacles that are getting in the way of your “plans” for the future, and how do you get by?

Okay, I’ll stop being so mopey. I’m going home to fill out my FAFSA and apply for summer programs so I can have something to look forward to! Things have been okay with school, but I know I need to stop being social and revert back to the person I was last semester and last year in terms of studying schedules. I finally got a smartphone and all I do is feed microbes (live wallpaper) and check Facebook. Remember when I would never go on? Oh it’s a curse.

Picutre of author

About Milie Fang, Biological Sciences / Pre-medicine

I am a senior and an acclaimed workaholic. While I like to keep busy academically, I really enjoy the simple pleasures of hanging out with friends and family, playing video games, or listening to music. When life seems to go well, allergies and eczema like to butt in and make me miserable. I hope to go into medicine so that I can have a better understanding of skin and the immune system to help myself, and to also help others facing the same problems I have faced since I was three.

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