To the point you feel your cells moving against your nerves

I can’t define what stress and anxiety feel like, but I can describe it as the title states: to the point you feel your cells moving against your nerves. I get that feeling when I’m playing video games. Put me in Gears of War 3 and I’ll play until it’s done because there’s no time during the story for a break and you’re constantly shooting and firing away at aliens / mutants without a blink in your eye. It makes me shiver. I didn’t think I could have this feeling when it comes to school, but man do I have the chills right now!

A glimpse at Google calendar would say it all. There’s loads of colored boxes to indicate all of the MCAT studying I have postponed secondary to my inability to motivate myself each day to complete much more (red color) as well as all of my classes, quizzes, club meetings and events that require my attendance (or that I just badly want to go – in blue color). To top it off, there’s the occasional green color that lists the scribe shifts I work (and those are quite the time-space lovers).

If you forward to the future post-MCAT, it’s a wonderful week of spring break (slight sarcasm on the “wonderful”). I am working many 5pm-2am shifts as well as working during the day at research (since I need that time to study for the MCAT now, I have to move everything to that free week). As much as I miss my family and grandmother, it might have to be the week of graduation before I see them again! The pile-up of studying to do is enormous. I am starting to think it may even push the limits of everything I know. It’s crazy to think I have been here for four years and each semester just building on each other in regards to learning, implementing and application to the future. If this is what college is really about, then I’d say I got my money’s worth. Although, I’m not looking forward to paying $25,000 in loans post-graduating. I will need to apply to more jobs to sustain myself if I want to be functional!

I spoke with a Human Rights Campaign worker while on campus and he stated he has been out for 2 years now and stated he had more money during college than coming out of college. It’s so bizarre because you’d think you wouldn’t have any money (assuming you did not work) during school, but that post-college you’d be making more money (again, assuming you found a decent job) and not have as many problems with food, housing etc. Well, totally not the case because we forget about our loans and all of the people we need to repay for helping us get here. He said he still gives at least $12 a month to HRC even though times are tight for him, which shows he’s very dedicated to the group! Unfortunately, I am in no position to help out ANYONE financially. You’d think having 4 part-time jobs would bring in quite an income, but compared to someone working full-time at one job with their Bachelor’s degree and no loans, I make very very very little. This money I make just goes straight to tuition honestly.

And even though it seems stupid to work during school when you could study and get straight A’s on every single assignment and class and join all of the clubs you want, I still think working is really key to helping you find a job post-graduation. The skills you need at a part-time job are TOTALLY applicable to the skills in a full-time job, including but not limited to: communication, time management, multitasking, improving professionalism, etc.

I am totally rambling about unrelated topics into one, but that’s just how my brain works and it’s suited me very well so far! (; I somehow got a 98/100 on my genetics exam (the first one). The 2 points I missed were totally silly mistakes. I can’t believe it! This is my second exam in college where I actually got an A on the rest (without a curve) in a science class. Even though I heard genetics lab was easy, I felt that during the test the questions were VERY difficult and specific (who knows, maybe the added stress of having my Polish exam, which I also did very well on, helped me study for biology, lol!). Has anyone done research on that? Language learning helping with science? I wonder if finding relationships within words helps apply to relationships among numbers and such. Probably, but we need science to prove it, haha!

Because of this weird feeling I have, I think I’m going to need to start exercising soon. Burn off the stress. Just go out and punch something with my MP3 rapping in my ears. Perhaps this is how medical students feel when they study…

Picutre of author

About Milie Fang, Biological Sciences / Pre-medicine

I am a senior and an acclaimed workaholic. While I like to keep busy academically, I really enjoy the simple pleasures of hanging out with friends and family, playing video games, or listening to music. When life seems to go well, allergies and eczema like to butt in and make me miserable. I hope to go into medicine so that I can have a better understanding of skin and the immune system to help myself, and to also help others facing the same problems I have faced since I was three.

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